


Paint It Black

by TheEchoingSoul



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Ambiguity, Angst, Based off a song, Change In Character, Character Study, Human Names Used, Multi, Realization, Romance, Tragedy, motorcycle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-11
Updated: 2012-03-11
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:12:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1400959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEchoingSoul/pseuds/TheEchoingSoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalya (Belarus) wanted to paint it all black, to escape from what she'd just seen, but by doing so she could lose everything that the future still holds for her. </p>
<p>Human names used!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paint It Black

The neon lights swirled together in a canvas of mixed paint that overflowed, dripping crudely over the sides to mend together the colors of a monster. The chilly wind whipped through the pre-winter air with vigorous rumors that were drowned out by the bike's loud engine. Other vehicles drove past in all manners but the bike's owner didn't pay attention or try torture the assholes who tried to cut her off, much too busy with a cranium that wallowed in sin and a heart that had been shattered like glass dropped on a tile floor without a care.

Hello, I'm still here…Please, remember, and notice me!

Natalya kept her eyes on the pavement but was a world away. It wasn't fair!  _That_ wasn't supposed to happen, all her planning…Was it really for nothing? Did those years mean nothing, nothing at all? Wearing an obnoxious dress, learning how to fight, defending and fighting for  _him_ , and putting up with whatever he gave her hadn't meant  _anything_ , her dedication was trash?

Growling to herself Natalya whipped her hair back so the long locks flew out in back of her. A few more neon signs passed and she bitterly wanted them to be died in black, the color that she understood. Black was a void that could be matched with any color, could become anything one wished, was powerful, and could accomplish what it wanted. Yet, it also was the color of the end, the bitter truth mixed with red flames of hatred.

Everything should be painted black. Paint it black, smear it all over the canvas, and thrown until it destroyed everything and everyone. Snarling she pulled out one of her knives and threw it at one of the billboards, hitting the smiling woman in the forehead.

Smiles lied; they were false, no one was ever happy to see her,  _the creepy younger sestra_. It had always been that way ever since she declared she loved her brother. Yet, he led her on by asking favors and when she finished he ran away screaming and crying.

Somewhere I belong?

That day, when Ivan had saved her from father who had raised his hand to strike her like he always had, he had taken the blow for his useless younger sister and denied the man who raised him, and that very day she had fallen for him and the gentle smile he gave her when helping her up, telling her to become stronger or others would walk all over her without a second thought.

She had long since shut the world away and devoted herself to him, the one who was everything she wanted but could never obtain. That bitter thought was like stomping on the shards of her heart.

Paint it black.

Paint it black!

Become the void!

Shut it all away!

Have I lost the will to change?

Natalya glared dangerously as the cars around her began to dwindle and lessen as she took some back roads absent mindedly. The bog of neon that radiated a fake cheer and lies ended, letting loose the river of deceased warriors who shared stories within their endless depths. A falling star shot through the sea, falling behind the trees without a sound or cry, even the world ignored the falling being of heaven. Yet, people made foolish wishes off a brave warrior, how preposterous! As a child Natalya has wished on countless stars and even waited patiently for the superstition that they must travel around the world three times but as the years waned it became clear to her: Stars don't grant wishes, to think so meant you were weak and couldn't handle anything.

Weakness was something that should never be outwardly expressed so Natalya kept it buried deep in her black painted heart. Every time Ivan ran away, Felix called her ugly, the others whispered about her, and when she was cast aside. It was like being that helpless child that was struck all over again. Being a useless child with no charm like her sister or academics like her brother, she had been weak and bothersome.

Never again did she want to be a bother. Natalya knew the difference and simply chose the stronger mask.

Paint it black

Paint where you belong.

Gunning the engine she drove faster, hair like cream bathed in black night fanned out as the memories of why she was even out at this ungodly hour. It had all begun with a call from that idiot Toris, he had been solemn and nervous, but that hadn't been anything new, as soon as he mentioned Ivan she had been all ears and was out the door once she got his location. The location should have been the first clue but Ivan wasn't one to care if he had to fight in a church during the service.

Natalya threw open the doors to behold a nightmare, at least to her it was. Her brother stood on the alter with Yao, a Chinese man who'd visited quite a lot all of a sudden, with him, holding his hands as the priest's words bellowed through the church and into the street. The others present remained quiet as they watched, some even smiling warmly. The scene made Natalya sick and gave no warmth, only a bitter cold that lowered her defenses and allowed tears to rise in her eyes.

Ivan, Toris, and her sister turned towards her; Ivan surprised and his eyes held something else but Natalya had turned to the other two who were coming to greet her, the latter smiling and whispering that she was glad she had come after all. Natalya whipped around as her heart shattered and ran out of the church as fast as her legs could carry her.

She hadn't been invited.

Her own older brother had not even  _invited_ her to his wedding!

Paint it black!

Paint it all black!

Theories raced through her mind of why this might have been. Did she not see the invitation? No, she checked  _all_  the mail whenever it arrived.

Maybe he had forgotten?

She was like his stalker; he knew she was always there. Besides, he remembered everyone else!

The invitation was lost?

They lived together, mentioning it in passing or saying something about it would have alerted her.

It was then another idea entered her mind in the way of her own snarky voice. _He didn't want to invite you. You would have ruined everything, maybe even have attempted to murder Yao._

"No, Ivan's…Ivan's…"

_You can't even say it! You wanted to be his everything but it was never to be, you're nothing but a weak child._

"Shut up you piece of shit! I'm not weak! I'm not weak!"

_What about ignoring those who wanted to know you?_

"Don't bring that Lithuanian into this!"

_Funny, I never mentioned anyone._

Natalya growled and gunned the engine to go faster down the empty road.

_You shouldn't be going so fast._

"I said to shut up!" Natalya screamed out before noticing that her hair ribbon was falling out, prey for the hungry banshees. With a gasp she turned her torso around, the wind causing her hair to blind her momentarily as she groped the air, feeling the silk of the worn ribbon, before lunging forwards to grasp it tightly.

The stars and moon were closer as her stomach churned and the world spun between earth and sky. The impact slammed her onto her side, the asphalt angrily rolling her a few feet. The bike continued going before crashing, the gasoline leaking before combusting into flames.

Natalya groaned, she should have worn her helmet but she hadn't been thinking, hesitatingly moving her arm up to see the ribbon she held dear to her. The plain ribbon had been a gift from both of her siblings even though they had lived in deep poverty at that time. Through the years she had kept it close, her most important object that reminded her that she had a family that did care about her.

When trying to roll onto her back Natalya nearly screamed in pain, her arm that had taken most of the impact was broken, her ankle was twisted, and her head was bleeding bitter cherry juice onto the black asphalt. Deciding to not move she cast her eyes to the sky and noticed something she hadn't before.

It was blue; the night sky was so dark it looked blue.

Also, it was going to rain in less than a minute. Clouds had been gathering for a while, but the area she had been approaching had been experiencing a storm the last time she had checked the weather channel over two and a half hours ago.

It came like the pitter patter of feet before escalating into thick, dark sheets. Natalya began to laugh and as she laughed like the crazy woman people often thought she was, she cried harsh sobs that mixed with the rain and fell down to the earth and fed it.

If this wasn't karma then it was some deity toying with her, playing a dangerous game with her emotions until they broke and fed the beasts within the pits of hell. Life was never fair where she was concerned, her own weakness had been her downfall.

_Emotion isn't weakness. It's fuel for a purpose._

"Just shut up, look at what happens when I feel!" It came out in a croak but the voice didn't seem to mind as it continued talking. Natalya just listened to the words, ignoring her platinum hair sticking to her face and kissing the ground, the numb chills, the pain that thundered from all directions, and the feeling that she had made a mistake and overreacted, that she should have respected her brother's decision and only wanted his happiness, that she should be nicer to her sister, and if she survived then she would distance herself from her brother but would never stop being his shadow, never stop being his safety officer, and his assassin.

_Now you're getting somewhere. But, remember that there are others who worry for_ your  _health._

Natalya chuckled at that, who in their right mind would worry about her? She was the harsh, temperamental, creepy brother loving, Belarusian who fielded any weapon like Elizaveta and her frying pan, only a thousand times more dangerous. They would really have to have a few screws loose.

_Or the knowledge that you're not really a psycho path._

The voice disappeared as the rain let up just a fraction and all was silent besides the pouring rain. Natalya watched with hazy vision and decided she didn't want everything painted black, she wanted colors; bright, dark, pastel, mixed, even rainbow would suffice. Natalya just wanted to watch them, even if she remained painted black, even if no one cared, if she was just a shadow. She wanted her brother to be happy, but, that didn't mean she would stop protecting him, just that maybe she could respect his decision and be content that she was his irreplaceable little sestra.

A bright light swamped her fuzzy vision and the sound of rain became non-existent as a figure stepped in front of the light before running towards her, feet lost in the space where sound didn't seem to exist. He moved the hair out of her face, his mouth formed words but she wasn't sure what he was saying yet she gave a small smile at the brown haired man before her eyes closed.

_How we survive makes us who we are._

 


End file.
